This morning I begrudgingly woke up at 5:30 in the morning, with only an hour and half of sleep. As tired as I was, I was excited to do something I’ve never done before. I’ve always known I could sing but never really considered myself a singer. In high school theater I was hyper actively aware of how much better everyone else was at singing or acting, not really acknowledging my own talent. I remember before shows or auditions, my stomach would be uneasy, I was excited but mostly scared that I would just blank and die on stage. My throat would get overly dry, I couldn’t swallow right, I felt like I couldn’t take a deep enough breath, and I wondered why I put myself through all of this. But it was always after the performance or audition that relief would wash over me, and perhaps a bit of pride. I did it, I got up in front of a bunch of people and over came my nerves! There’s so much I love about performing but as I’ve gotten older I’ve inadvertently gotten away from it. However at the same time, I’ve become more confident in my abilities (which may or may not be due to practicing impressions and songs alone in my bedroom, with a pretend audience 😋) and as you grow up, life tends to take the happiness/excitement out of things. Little things like birthdays or holidays I no longer get excited for, but also my nervousness for things like hosting or going up to talking to strangers was pretty much gone (not the same as anxiety though). And in the past two years I have pushed myself. Doing wedding photography has given me the ability to communicate with anyone and find something in common with them. It also helped me hone my leadership abilities of directing 20-100 adults (family pictures can be absolutely insane). From there hosting on What’s Happening Tulsa has given me the opportunity to meet some amazing people, and to get used to working on camera, which also transfers over to YouTube. The next step was to get up on a stage, and no better way to do it than with your best friends.
It was extremely last minute when Victoria had told me American idol was hosting auditions at the green. We’d be silly to not drive 15 minutes from our home and try out! Victoria, Tiara and I got to the green around 7am with a line winding around half the green. The morning was cool and full of excitement. Young hopefuls, and amazing talent eagerly awaited their 5 minutes in the lime light. Within the hour one of the guys from 106.9 put us on the radio! We also may have been in the blurry background on the news. Tulsa world journalists came and took our pictures and gave us a small interview, but the best part of it all is around the 4th hour of waiting in line a wonderful angelic woman came around passing out free water bottles!! Bless her soul, she said that saw this huge line and knew we must be thirsty. Seriously the best moment.
Then it was time. It was our moment for a chance at the big times. Now I went into this with no expectations, I wanted to do it, just to say to myself I could do this. It was even more exciting to be in the same group as Victoria and Tiara, so we all got to audition together! One by one we went, the girl next to me was a beautiful singer, and yet my nerves were good! It wasn’t like before where I thought I might crap my pants. I had a small worry I might forget my words right before I went up, but I thought if I did, that’s the worst that could happen, and it wouldn’t be the end of the world. We all sang our beautiful riffs, all of us encouraging each other, and the coach then asked us all to come forward, and said ” we had some good voices here girls but you’re just not what we’re looking for”. And that didn’t bother me one bit! I was excited! We all did it, and it was a cool experience that we won’t have the chance to do again. If anything today inspired me. This was my first step to getting back onstage, next it’s an open mike night, then improv then an audition for Tulsa theater!! I’m excited and I couldn’t be more proud of me and my friends! Especially Victoria, she went with a broken back!!! And I plan on dragging these two to do open mike nights with me, because maybe we can’t make money doing what we love yet, but we can certainly keep going up onstage and trying. Keep your dreams alive.